I've lost ALL my confidence with surfing, help?

Questions and answers for those needing help or advice when learning to surf, improving technique or just comparing notes.

I've lost ALL my confidence with surfing, help?

Postby SmoshPit » Thu Aug 03, 2023 11:06 am

I started surfing about 3 years ago. It's been a long, emotional journey for me. I started going in almost everyday when I moved near the coast in the UK. I progressed from a 7'3 mini mal to a 6'2 short "log" short but tonnes of volume. I had some amazing surfs on this and I got out in some pretty big stuff (5ft max, for me that's big lol) but I always struggled getting out back if the periods weren't large because of how heavy my board was and I'm a 60kg girl so I couldn't duck dive it. So I gave up this board for a 6'10 mini mal again which doesn't get ripped out of my hands so easily when turtle rolling and getting caught in a break.

I moved away from the coast over winter and didn't get in much. When I came back to it a few months later (moved back to the coast) it's like I'm a beginner again. I feel so frustrated at how I've spent so much time and energy into a sport to be so bad at it and it's getting to a point where I might give up. I don't want to because I love it but I'm failing miserably.

I hesitate with drop ins all the time, I pull back. I get anxious if there are too many people in the water as I don't trust myself to fully be in control as I have a longer board again now. I was at a point where I was riding the face and turning on waves. But now I can barely make the drop, even though I used to be able to do it but now it scares me. I pull out of almost every wave due to the drop being "too big" and looking down and feeling like I can't get it right.

It just feels like there's always something wrong with the waves now, like I want to get back in some smaller waves but our spots are SO crowded that it's like 8 people on one wave...

I'm losing hope and I don't know what to do. It used to be my passion but I'm finding myself struggling and more frustrated than ever. What aren't I getting? :(
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Re: I've lost ALL my confidence with surfing, help?

Postby Naeco78 » Thu Aug 03, 2023 11:10 pm

Hey sorry to hear about the recent struggles. I went thru some of the same issues while getting back into surfing. The biggest help for me was riding a longer/higher volume board (sounds like youve already made some of those changes) but also looking for sessions when the waves are more crumbly and less steep. Surfing when the tide is higher or maybe a spot with more of a longboard wave if possible. Or maybe a shorter swell period so the waves don't stand up as fast. Sounds like some of your situational stuff might be kinda challenging with the crowds etc but sounds like youre on a good path.

Also if you can make it a habit to not look down it would probably help a bunch. That can create lots of issues like some of the ones youre describing. My son is learning to surf and made lots of progress after making that change. Try to look down the line where you want to be on the wave next. Hope this helps
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Re: I've lost ALL my confidence with surfing, help?

Postby oldmansurfer » Thu Aug 03, 2023 11:32 pm

I hear that if you surf from when you are a child and quit surfing for a prolonged period of time then it's just like riding a bike. But for me I have had to relearn a lot. The difference is I already went through it so I know what I need to do. Perhaps take some lessons? Surfing is not an easy sport but having someone who knows what to do watching you might help to figure out the solution to your problems
So what is worse.... dying or regretting it for the rest of my life? Obviously I chose not regretting it.
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Re: I've lost ALL my confidence with surfing, help?

Postby waikikikichan » Fri Aug 04, 2023 8:35 am

I can share with you a few words of wisdom I've shared with my students that faced the same situation as you. BUT FIRST, I need your permission and full understanding that what I tell you is to help, NOT hurt.

But before that, the worst thing is for you to build up confidence "enough" to where you say "hell with it, I'm just going to Go FOR IT !!
Imagine you're scared of driving in traffic and panic at intersections. You might just keep telling yourself over and over , "you got to go, you got to go". What do they always say " Hesitation causes accidents". That could be true, but if you just go without the necessary skills, what do you think is going to happen ?

Anyways, respond back if you want me to tell you what needs to be said.
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Re: I've lost ALL my confidence with surfing, help?

Postby BaNZ » Fri Aug 04, 2023 2:34 pm

waikikikichan wrote:But before that, the worst thing is for you to build up confidence "enough" to where you say "hell with it, I'm just going to Go FOR IT !!

That could be true, but if you just go without the necessary skills, what do you think is going to happen ?


Wow maybe if I read this yesterday I wouldn't have fall on my ass, even caught it on camera. Took my dog on a mountain bike trail yesterday which I've rode many times. I always have to dismount on certain sections because my skill level is just not there yet. Yesterday I was like screw it, let's give it a go. Fall on my ass immediately. No damage done but still I just went for it knowing that there is valid reason that my brain tell me it's not a good idea.
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Re: I've lost ALL my confidence with surfing, help?

Postby opelagos » Sun Sep 03, 2023 7:11 pm

waikikikichan wrote:I can share with you a few words of wisdom I've shared with my students that faced the same situation as you. BUT FIRST, I need your permission and full understanding that what I tell you is to help, NOT hurt.
[...]
Anyways, respond back if you want me to tell you what needs to be said.


I can't speak for the OP, but I want to hear what needs to be said! I'm having some similar issues to the OP regarding psyching myself out when I'm paddling into waves just slightly outside my comfort zone (whether because of steepness, size, or whatever). Been surfing more assiduously the past couple years but am encountering this frustrating fear factor again. It's like the opposite of wanting to charge lol-- almost like a weird instinctual fear of a steep slope that I need to rewire into stoke to slide down.

Times when I remember to breathe out, look down the line, just trust my rail & go have been successful! But I need to find some ways to do that all the time, and stop choking/psyching myself out. Tips & tough love welcome!
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Re: I've lost ALL my confidence with surfing, help?

Postby oldmansurfer » Sun Sep 03, 2023 8:22 pm

opelagos wrote:
waikikikichan wrote:I can share with you a few words of wisdom I've shared with my students that faced the same situation as you. BUT FIRST, I need your permission and full understanding that what I tell you is to help, NOT hurt.
[...]
Anyways, respond back if you want me to tell you what needs to be said.


I can't speak for the OP, but I want to hear what needs to be said! I'm having some similar issues to the OP regarding psyching myself out when I'm paddling into waves just slightly outside my comfort zone (whether because of steepness, size, or whatever). Been surfing more assiduously the past couple years but am encountering this frustrating fear factor again. It's like the opposite of wanting to charge lol-- almost like a weird instinctual fear of a steep slope that I need to rewire into stoke to slide down.

Times when I remember to breathe out, look down the line, just trust my rail & go have been successful! But I need to find some ways to do that all the time, and stop choking/psyching myself out. Tips & tough love welcome!

My advice of that type of fear is to start with waves that you feel 100% comfortable with but change your lineup to a couple feet deeper than you feel comfortable with. This forces you to make a steeper more critical takeoff on smaller waves that you aren't afraid of. Once you can make those takeoffs and bottom turn well enough to ride the wave then try a couple of feet deeper...etc.. then try a little bigger waves and do the same
So what is worse.... dying or regretting it for the rest of my life? Obviously I chose not regretting it.
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Re: I've lost ALL my confidence with surfing, help?

Postby opelagos » Sun Sep 03, 2023 10:07 pm

My advice of that type of fear is to start with waves that you feel 100% comfortable with but change your lineup to a couple feet deeper than you feel comfortable with. This forces you to make a steeper more critical takeoff on smaller waves that you aren't afraid of. Once you can make those takeoffs and bottom turn well enough to ride the wave then try a couple of feet deeper...etc.. then try a little bigger waves and do the same


Great advice which tracks with what I've been doing, albeit inconsistently, in chiller/smaller conditions where I feel totally at ease. I love this as an intentional strategy to implement-- thank you!
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Re: I've lost ALL my confidence with surfing, help?

Postby waikikikichan » Mon Sep 04, 2023 1:44 am

opelagos wrote:Times when I remember to breathe out, look down the line, just trust my rail & go have been successful! But I need to find some ways to do that all the time, and stop choking/psyching myself out.


So you already know the answer for what works and what doesn't work.

But you also have to remember, " Some waves are just meant NOT to be ridden ".

Question: So what happens if you freeze up / mess up and go over the falls ? Are you going to die ?
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Re: I've lost ALL my confidence with surfing, help?

Postby oldmansurfer » Tue Sep 05, 2023 6:28 pm

opelagos wrote:
My advice of that type of fear is to start with waves that you feel 100% comfortable with but change your lineup to a couple feet deeper than you feel comfortable with. This forces you to make a steeper more critical takeoff on smaller waves that you aren't afraid of. Once you can make those takeoffs and bottom turn well enough to ride the wave then try a couple of feet deeper...etc.. then try a little bigger waves and do the same


Great advice which tracks with what I've been doing, albeit inconsistently, in chiller/smaller conditions where I feel totally at ease. I love this as an intentional strategy to implement-- thank you!

When I was learning to surf, sometimes one of the other surfers would come to me and offer advice. This was one of the bits of advice I got from other surfers. I never had any formal training and mostly just figured stuff out on my own but when the other surfers saw me struggling they would come offer me advice. This one seemed to work well for me.
So what is worse.... dying or regretting it for the rest of my life? Obviously I chose not regretting it.
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Re: I've lost ALL my confidence with surfing, help?

Postby opelagos » Tue Sep 05, 2023 11:45 pm

waikikikichan wrote:

Question: So what happens if you freeze up / mess up and go over the falls ? Are you going to die ?


Right-- very unlikely in the waves that I'm surfing! The fear is something more bodily and instinctual, looking over the edge etc and feeling a physical-mental-emotional apprehension. Maybe opposite to what an adrenaline junkie feels. Trying to convert that physical apprehension/fear into more stoke-- and I take your point that entraining myself to remember "hey big deal, if you fall you fall" may help!
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Re: I've lost ALL my confidence with surfing, help?

Postby oldmansurfer » Wed Sep 06, 2023 3:00 am

I have been an adrenalin junkie my whole life although long ago I never realized it. Many decisions in my life were based on my estimation of if I would survive the ordeal I was about to embark on. As a kid I gradually learned to do many things that were dangerous but learned to do them safely (evidenced by the fact that I am alive). There are things that some people should not do. For instance most people should not climb Mount Everest. Some people can do it and survive but there is great risk in doing that adventure. However if you want to be one of those who climbs mount Everest you don't start by climbing Mount Everest as you WILL DIE. Start with a hill and a small mountain and work your way up to Everest. Waves are the same way as some people should not surf Pipeline or Sunset or any large wave. Some people should not surf certain breaks as they will very likely get injured. But if you want to surf larger waves start with smaller waves and work your way up. It's safer that way.
So what is worse.... dying or regretting it for the rest of my life? Obviously I chose not regretting it.
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Re: I've lost ALL my confidence with surfing, help?

Postby opelagos » Mon Oct 02, 2023 11:22 pm

Also helpful to see (now that I've actually had a sec to search through older posts) that many others have had similar hang-ups! C.f.:
viewtopic.php?f=9&t=22446
viewtopic.php?f=9&t=26100
and any of a slew of other posts about making the drop, going over the ledge etc...
reassuring to know this isn't (just) an idiosyncratic fear, but maybe a part of the process for many of us in growing surf skills.

That said, if anyone has techniques for re-training the impulse to pull out of a wave rather than fully commit, I'm all ears!
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Re: I've lost ALL my confidence with surfing, help?

Postby mrpopo » Tue Oct 31, 2023 11:02 am

Hi SmoshPit, I’m sorry to hear that you’ve lost your confidence with surfing. I can understand how frustrating and disappointing it can be to feel like you’ve regressed in your skills and passion. I’ve been surfing for over 5 years and I’ve had my share of ups and downs, but I’ve always found a way to overcome them and enjoy surfing again.

Don’t be too hard on yourself. Surfing is a challenging sport that requires a lot of physical and mental strength, as well as patience and perseverance. It’s normal to have setbacks, especially after a long break or a change of equipment. Don’t compare yourself to others or to your past self, but focus on your present progress and goals. Celebrate your achievements, no matter how small, and learn from your mistakes.
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Re: I've lost ALL my confidence with surfing, help?

Postby Sophie01 » Wed Dec 27, 2023 6:37 am

Hey there, I totally get where you're coming from. I went through a similar phase in my surfing journey, and it can be super frustrating. It sounds like you've had some amazing progress, going from a 7'3 mini mal to a 6'2 shortboard with lots of volume. But, hey, setbacks happen to the best of us.

Taking a break from surfing over winter might have thrown you off a bit, but that doesn't mean you've lost your skills. It's more about getting back into the groove. It's completely normal to feel like a beginner again after a break, and trust me, you're not alone in that.

Your switch back to a 6'10 mini mal is a smart move, especially considering the challenges you faced with the heavier board. Remember, it's okay to take steps back to move forward. The fact that you've faced big waves and are anxious about drop-ins shows you've got the courage to push your limits
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