Feeling stuck

[rara2614]

Hey everyone,

3 months ago I moved to a coastal area of Australia (I lived inland before). It's been of mine to live by the coast- especially as I had the idea that I would surf all the time and get better at surfing.

I need to give you a background first.

I learned to surf a couple of years ago while I was living inland. A friend of mine and I drove 2.5 hours each way to go to the surf for a day. We learned from scratch together, starting on some second hand foam boards until they eventually broke in half. Then we upgraded to our hardboards (mine is a 7.6 epoxy). It was an amazing journey that we had together. We drove to the coast most weekends for about a year. I got to a point where I was quite confident- I won't way that I was fearless or super skilled (I still hesitated catching waves more than I should have) but in okay conditions, I could catch big waves and i even caught big waves in Bali and Canary Islands.

A couple of things happened though. Firstly, in Bali- someone ran in to me with their board and I ended up having 45 stitches in my head. I made sure that I got back in the water as soon as I could so that I didn't get too scared but I wonder if this made me hesitate more in the water.

Then, my friend who I was surfing with- well, the relationship had to end. He was my best friend but he wanted a relationship and I didn't. So I lost my surf buddy- I couldn’t find anyone who wanted to make the big trip to the coast with me. So over the next couple of years when I did go surfing, it wasn't often and I lost my confidence. It also wasn't as fun without my mate.

After 3 months of living in this coastal area, I feel like I have gone backwards with my surfing. I've caught a few waves (which was amazing and reasurring to know that I can still surf)- I got dumped off the end of the waves., but so were most people on those particular days. I felt more confident on that beach (shelley beach) as it reminded me a little of the beach where I learned how to surf (beach at the south coast) There has since been a recent shark attack on shelley beach.

I I first moved here, i was going out the mornings before work but I gave up as I was paddling and not catching anything. Weekends are a bit better as Im not pressured for time.

There are a few things that come in to play here:

1. My confidence- I really don't have any now- for example, I paddled this morning and yesterday foe about an hour each day and didn't catch anything. I fell off the back of some waves and other ones I felt I was going to get dumped so I bailed. I know that I should have gone for more waves than I did- or at least follow through on the waves that I bailed on.

2. The beaches here are typically more crowded than the beach where I learned how to surf on the south coast- I find crowds in the water really intimidating- for fear I will run in to someone and also in fear that I am being judged. Saying that, today was me and one other person and I still didn't catch anything.

3. The beaches here are still so unfamiliar and 'unfriendly ' looking as it's not the beach that I learned to surf on in the south coast. There are also more rocks here.



4. My ego. I can't believe that my progress has gone downhill. I feel I should be much better than what I am.

5. Being realistic with time- I thought id go surfing every day in the morning but I dont really want to go if Im paddling and not doing much. I also need enough time to get home to shower and get to work on time. Realistically, right now I'd day I could go out for a paddle on Sat and Sun and then go running on the other mornings. I'm hoping to reduce my hours so that I can go out on Friday too. I go boxing 3-4 times a week and swimming twice a week so my fitness is fine (knowing that paddling is its own fitness and technique).

6. I feel like Im not getting great surf conditions here compared to the beach where I learned. However, the surf teacher here said that where I learned to surf has harder conditions than here? So perhaps my feeling is more based around confidence and familiarity.

I wanted to join the womens surf groups but its not operating because of covid.

I went to surf lesson which was helpful to know what I meed to work on- but it was only in the white water.

I wondered if I should get a custome made 10 foot foam board made to at least assist me with catching waves. I really loved my foam board and it made catching waves way easier- sometimes I wonder why I ever got a hard board. I know that foam boards are hard to manouver and the surf teacher didn't feel I should go back to a foam board. Have any of you guys made the choice to go back to a foamie? I know they are not 'cool' but Id love ti know your thoughts.

I feel really stuck and to be honest, like an imposter and quite ashamed. How could I go backwards this much? When I'm in the water and people ask me how I'm going and I continuously tell them I'm not catching waves- I wonder why I am bothering.

But Im bothering because I love being in the ocean and the feeling of catching a wave.

When I see people catching great waves and them telling me that they think they are rubbish and they only learned a few months ago- it kills me.

I don't want to be a great surfer, I just want to catch more waves and not feel consumed with fear and shame.

This other part of me knows that as people, we shoulf focus energy on what we enjoy and what we are good at. I feel that I really suck at surfing and am wondering if I should pick up an easier hobbie. At the moment I just feel a bit defeated whenever I come out of the water.

Ive signed up to go on a womens surf and yoga camp in November for a couple of days. The woman who runs it seems cool- I'm wondering of I should email her what I said here. I don't want to sound like a headcase....

As you can tell, I am an overthinker too- which is not great for surfing.

Thanks for letting me open up and write a novel length message about this.

Hoping to get some practical suggestions that are also validating. Please don’t be unkind- it took a lot of courage for me to be open and vulnerable here!

Many thanks.
Best wishes,
RaRa

[oldmansurfer]

Oh wow. The experiences people have learning to surf are so varied. My whole thing in learning is small steps. I think the surf yoga camp might be a good idea. Try mental imaging. This is to imagine that you are surfing. Try to picture it in your mind and go through the motions as well as you can including paddling popping up and standing and turning. Do this on dry land any time you aren’t surfing. Confidence can be tricky. My thing would be to work harder, concentrate more, set yourself small easy to achieve goals and you should improve which will help your confidence

[delphin]

Dear RaRa

Your story is heartfelt. I can relate. I surfed solo for a long time, wishing for buddies to join. Also struggled with paddling hard enough to reliably catch green waves. Finally decided to find a female surf coach and work with how I think about surfing as well as how I surf. Then started my own women's surf trips, bringing new surfers to a surf coach who was thoughtful, kind and skilled. Now I have found small pods of women surfers at different levels, who support and look out for each other. It makes all the difference. Although I still sometimes surf solo and enjoy that, it makes it sweeter to find, invite and develop frienships with others. Almost does not matter what you ride if you are going for it together. Sometimes we swap boards, coach each other and delight in each other's rides and spectacular dismounts. There is a great podcast episode on Surf Mastery with Gee Cormack who talks about coaching women...you might enjoy that. Good luck...

[krustyburger]

I feel really stuck and to be honest, like an imposter and quite ashamed. How could I go backwards this much? When I'm in the water and people ask me how I'm going and I continuously tell them I'm not catching waves- I wonder why I am bothering.

My ego. I can't believe that my progress has gone downhill. I feel I should be much better than what I am.

I read your post and there is quite a lot to unpack. A couple of things that come to mind:

1. Feeling like you're going "backwards" is something I can relate to. I think most beginners experience this at some point. Focus on what you did well in a session (paddling, turtle rolling, looking down the line before you pop up, waxing your board properly, enjoying the wildlife, whatever) and try not to compare yourself to other surfers.

2. Try to surf more. It sounds like you have a busy schedule (boxing, swimming, etc.) Those things are great but maybe you can put them aside for a little while as you focus more on your surfing? Try to turn your surfing into a daily practice.

I wondered if I should get a custome made 10 foot foam board made to at least assist me with catching waves.

This is hard to answer without knowing your fitness, level, size, etc. However, it sounds like you have enough surf experience to not go back to the foam board, imo. But if you are interested in long boarding, I would consider getting a poly single fin log. Otherwise, the 7'6 epoxy is probably OK.

As far as getting out of your negative headspace, maybe try smoking a joint before you go out on a nice small day. Don't take your surfing too seriously. Waves come and go.