Making friends.

[Johnny B]

I was just thinking...I've been posting and checking this forum a lot recently and instead of just being because I'm pining for a surf I realised there was another reason. I have also been using msn messenger and facebook, despite the fact that I despise both. I suddenly realised why. I'm craving social contact. Basically, I need friends!!

Don't get me wrong, I'm not some social pariah, nor a weirdo, but all of my friends are hundreds of miles away (up North). I've been in Guildford now and haven't made a single friend yet.

I thought it'd be easy once I was working, but I am only temping at the moment and I don't think I'll make friends in the office I'm in. For one, most of the folk are older than I am, two, they are generally quite dull (i think office work does that to you after a while) and I am a temp, they all seem to avoid being to chummy (perhaps cos they know I'll fleshin' off the moment I get a chance ). Also, I dunno if all offices are like this, but there seems to be almost social barriers between departments, it's laughable really.

So...as usual I have knattered on, and if you have read all that, then ta.

My Question: How do you make friends in a new place, if you are not given the right opportunities (ie. school, uni, work) ???

Although I have not being doing it for this reason, I hoped I would meet some decent, friendly folk volunteering, but the work I do with the Wildlife Trust is with old gimmers. Seriously, I think about 90% of them are retired! (and there's only 10 of us. )

Look forward to hearin yer ideas. Oh, anyone else had this problem?

...J...

[long_man]

is your name Richard Abdul by any chance........

sorry mate i just couldnt help it......

just a suggestion but maybe join an evening class or something, a subject you enjoy, say like an art class, at least then you will have something in common with the other people there....

or

just go into your local pub/bar in the evening, grab a pint and just chat to the bar guys.......

or (if worst comes to the worst....)

place an add in the local magazine, under the "Personal" section, stating your looking for friends etc......

[PapaW]

Well here is a start! There are quite a few member that live nearish you. and hitting up/car sharing for surf trips on the S coast and out west is good... House parties etc!

[thaya]

just a suggestion but maybe join an evening class or something, a subject you enjoy, say like an art class, at least then you will have something in common with the other people there....

^^ what he said!

go out and do something you enjoy (like surfing!) even if it's just once a week, and you'll meet loads of people... try the local leisure centre (swimming, gym, tai chi, yoga, kick boxing??????) or community centre which may have an evening class or somthing. just ask to go for a drink afterwards with a few of them and you'll make friends in no time!

If you're ever surfing the south coast there are usually a few of us around, just let us know when you're down this way and I'm sure there will be someone wanting to surf then too

[Sar]

I reckon what the guys have already said works. Dont try to force the situation though, just go along doing your thing and you'll meet like minded people. Just be patient but things turn around real quick. In the last year I have met some wicked people who I consider friends, get to have a beer with, go surfing with and generally discuss unimportant shite like 'whats the hottest cartoon character ever?'

May not sound like much but bear in mind: (are you shy? you dont seem it but...) I used to be painfully shy and scared of meeting new people - what if you make a twat out of yourself?!?!?!?! I used to physically shake when meeting new people, did my first night at a new youth club and did at the begining of the summer meet. I didnt think things would change so quick which might be why they did. Relaaaaaxx, do your thing and have fun. Stuff changes all the time.

The social barriers between offices? yeah, happens in my place but that cos everyone knows that those in the other depts. are complete morons If you're not meeting new like mided people, try and move desks, honestly it works. A temp who I never really spoke to before moved next to me and then became friends. People often dont make friends at work because they're too busy working - shocking isnt it!!!!

There's nothing wrong with using this site and social internet social utilities to pass time (notice I ramble on? yeah I have time and no-one to talk to right now cos I decided to stay in and not be social I also have an essay to write ) but whilst you're doing that, you're not out meeting new people.

NB: no matter how much you need social contact - dont ever turn into that weird guy at the bar (in every pub it seems) striking up random conversation with those unfortunate enough to get within shouting distance of him *shudder*

[Luke]

NB: no matter how much you need social contact - dont ever turn into that weird guy at the bar (in every pub it seems) striking up random conversation with those unfortunate enough to get within shouting distance of him *shudder*

oh no...don't worry about that dude....'cos i can folkin' guarantee that he's stood talking to me! ...i seem to attract people like that.

[Johnny B]

Cheers you lot,

I think the doing what you enjoy suggestion is the best, but it's not as easy as I thought round here. I thought, right i'll join an evening class or something, perhaps art of some sort, but there's next to nothing about. It seems that all of the evening courses around here are based at the Guildford College, and that would've been ideal, I particularly wanted to do a course in Spanish...but...all of the courses started in September and cannot be joined after this point. So, I missed that bus, and gutted about it! I think it's ridiculous that you can't join after the set start date, even by a couple of weeks.

I had a few sessions at one of only 3 gyms in the area last week. The gym looked great, just like the one I used to go to (where everyone was dead friendly), small, all resistance equipment. But I'm only able to go peak hours due to working a 9-5. After 5pm the gym was mobbed, I mean no equipment free at all, it just stressed me out and the people in there seemed dead up tight (not suprisingly) and actually quite rude.

*sigh*

I am volunteering, this is every 2 weeks with the Wildlife Trust, and although it is not the reason I started it I thought that I'd perhaps meet folk through that. But, they're all old gimmers, i'm not joking, about 90% are retired (and there's only 10 of us ).

just go into your local pub/bar in the evening, grab a pint and just chat to the bar guys.......

Does that actually work!? I mean I'm not as shy as I used to be but I don't think I'd have the guts to go up to randomers and start up a convo! Not that I have a local pub (:roll:) nearest ones are in Guildford town centre.

I wanted to see about joining a couple of the societies at the uni here, there's even a surfing society, but when asked they were right arsey with me and told me that all of the societies only took students!

It's not like I'm not trying.

Oops, done it again; wrote an essay, any other advice is appreciated folks!

...J...

[Real Pol]

I've never been to guilford before, but I've know a few people from there and they've never suggested that the place is a social graveyard.

You just seem to be hung up on the fact that for some reason (probably out of your control) you are there and your friends are not. You need to straighten your head out; is this just temporary, will you be leaving soon, do I just really need make a life here, etc.

As for work, well if you're a temp then you'll be off to some other office (unless you're long term). If there are yoofs in your next office find out what they do together outside of office hours and get involved, 5-a-side football, curry clubs, butterfly collecting or whatever. A bloke worked with us for 4 weeks about 2 years ago and is still playing football every week and comes to other nights out.

Don't stress about it, it makes it worse. When I first moved to Aberdeen I didn't know anyone and all the people I worked with had families and lived out of the city, I was bored senseless for about 6 months and would get the train to Glasgow every Friday night to see pals. Then I spoke to that weird guy in the bar (I'm serious), since then I've had a great time up here.

[pat42]

I find a good way to make friends when you've just moved to a new town, is to hang around the public toilets.

You'll be surprised at how many friendly men there are

[flyingvee]

Learn to play guitar and join a band.

[Johnny B]

Learn to play guitar and join a band.

Oh, sure, cos that's so easy!

And PapaW, I'll give that ago, but I do have my doubts.

[flyingvee]

Learn to play guitar and join a band.

Oh, sure, cos that's so easy!

And PapaW, I'll give that ago, but I do have my doubts.

Aw man don't be so negative - where there's a will etc ..........

[Johnny B]

Aye, but think about it, first you'd have to fork out for a guitar and amp etc. Second, you'd have to actually learn to a pretty darn high standard to even have a chance of joining an amateur band. Then I'd actually have to meet people anyway in order to form a band with 'em.

With all this, and the fact that I am about as musically talented as a simple monocellular organism, I think I could aim to meet friends in the year 2020.

Thanks anyway, I appreciate the input

[Johnny B]

I'm guessing by yer name and the comment that you're in a band, what kinda stuff do you play?

[flyingvee]

Yup, I'm a guitarist that plays bass guitar in a covers band - anything that makes people dance/happy - rock n roll, r+b, soul - anything really.

[long_man]

just go into your local pub/bar in the evening, grab a pint and just chat to the bar guys.......

Does that actually work!? I mean I'm not as shy as I used to be but I don't think I'd have the guts to go up to randomers and start up a convo! Not that I have a local pub (:roll:) nearest ones are in Guildford town centre.

I wanted to see about joining a couple of the societies at the uni here, there's even a surfing society, but when asked they were right arsey with me and told me that all of the societies only took students!

It's not like I'm not trying.

Oops, done it again; wrote an essay, any other advice is appreciated folks!

...J...

i mean ive never done it, but i reckon when i move away from here (fairly shortly) to somewhere in Kent/East Sussex, i will have to be doing the same thing, although the only plus side for me is....i have my lady friend
just go into the pub, sit there and relax, then if you reckon you can start a bit of a conversation with the people behind the bar......GO FOR IT


where abouts do you go surfing at the moment

[Johnny B]

[where abouts do you go surfing at the moment

Nowhere really. Although I have been lucky enough to get in 2 weekend trips in the past month to cornwall n devon. I have been keeping my eye on the south coast though (bournemouth, isle 'o white etc), since without a car the breaks down there are my only real option as somewhere to go regularly.

[lucy]

Well, would you believe it - I live in Guildford! We are not all boring middle class Tories, promise!
What made you move down here? You crazy fool! Perhaps you'd like to meet the hubby & I sometime over a pint or 2? I can recommend you a couple of friendly places to check out in Guildford - The Drummond on Woodbridge Road which serves a cracking pint of Addlestones (shut your eyes & pretend you're in the Thatch!) & Fahrenheit 55 just off the high street (down Milkhouse Gate) which is a teeny weeny bar that has live music & a nice late license! He he!
Welcome mate!
X

[lucy]

Ps. If you're nice we might even give you a life down to Croyde once in a while! Sadly I read this thread too late - we just got back yesterday from camping at Lobb Fields. Brrr! Mighty chilly!
I know another landlocked sufter just down the road from me too... Maybe we should start a club!

[libby]

Wahey! Problem solved