all this talk of exams...

Chat about anything non surfing related.

all this talk of exams...

Postby thaya » Thu May 17, 2007 8:08 pm

someone emailed me these exam bloopers... I thought some were quite funny - all *supposedly* taken from GCSE exams in England in 2001...


Geography
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

P: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.


Sociology
Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.

Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A: Very important. S*x can only happen when a male gets an election.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.


Biology
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes?
A: Premature death.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow. [He got an A]

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised? (e.g.abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O and U.

Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section."
A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.

Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport.

Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.


English
Q: Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to show you understand its meaning.
A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.

Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.


Technology
Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab wears on his head.
User avatar
thaya
SW Pro
 
Posts: 1432
Likes: 0 post
Liked in: 0 post
Joined: Tue Feb 21, 2006 12:14 pm
Location: still in hospital (in newcastle)

Postby Lisa* » Thu May 17, 2007 9:46 pm

hahaha... last one funny as lol!

I would use these to cheer my examiner up but i want to pass everything lol. xxxxxxx
User avatar
Lisa*
Local Hero
 
Posts: 296
Likes: 0 post
Liked in: 0 post
Joined: Thu Nov 16, 2006 9:59 pm
Location: Portsmouth

Postby Dr Rev » Fri May 18, 2007 9:32 am

Very very Funny ! :lol:
User avatar
Dr Rev
Big Wave Master
 
Posts: 1797
Likes: 0 post
Liked in: 0 post
Joined: Tue May 16, 2006 12:01 pm
Location: Bringing Peace and Humour to the Forum

Postby Clark » Fri May 18, 2007 2:28 pm

hahahahaaha!! i laughed for ages at theses i cant believe people would actually put them in a exam!! the last one is pure class :P
User avatar
Clark
Local Hero
 
Posts: 103
Likes: 0 post
Liked in: 0 post
Joined: Wed Nov 01, 2006 12:59 pm
Location: East Coast UK

Postby Brisbanebound » Fri May 18, 2007 2:40 pm

My finest moment came in my CDT GCSE (I'm useless at woodwork and stuff).
For our 50% coursework we had to design and make a "holding device" (ie a jewellery box or summat).
I handed in a plank of wood and my teacher looked at me bemused and asked what it was supposed to be.
I told him it was a woodworm holder!
I failed!!!!
Brisbanebound
Surfer
 
Posts: 95
Likes: 0 post
Liked in: 0 post
Joined: Sat Dec 23, 2006 9:31 pm
Location: portsmouth UK

Postby isaluteyou » Sun May 20, 2007 12:13 am

Classics :lol:

Mind you during my french exam i drew a bunch of snails :lol: i still managed an E :shock:
User avatar
isaluteyou
Big Wave Master
 
Posts: 2189
Likes: 0 post
Liked in: 0 post
Joined: Mon Jul 17, 2006 1:41 am
Location: San diego - Ocean beach, Praying For Swell

Postby pacey » Tue May 22, 2007 1:18 pm

A few good chuckles there!

Reminds me of the time my cousin was in a maths class and the teacher asked if anyone could describe a prism. Quick witted boy that he is, he replied "A place where bad people stay?"
User avatar
pacey
Grom
 
Posts: 46
Likes: 0 post
Liked in: 0 post
Joined: Thu Feb 15, 2007 11:56 am
Location: Sydney


Similar topics

Return to General Chat