The ' funny quote' thread

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The ' funny quote' thread

Postby k mac » Tue Oct 18, 2005 9:29 pm

thought it was about time to unleash our quotes ! we seem to be doing it on lots of other threads! e'g red dwarf ,futurama, simpsons and loads of films ..

**edit ... i spelt quote wrong :oops:
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Postby libby » Tue Oct 18, 2005 11:48 pm

Well this isn't actually from a TV programme but its something Brent said to me, in relation to his new first aid kit.......

"Libs, just imagine the fun we could have at a road accident with this " :?

Sorry B but it was classic, i just had to share it :D
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Postby sinistapenguin » Wed Oct 19, 2005 1:39 pm

Not supposed to be funny:

- "Hey man, are you a surfer? Do you surf?"
- "Oh no, not me, I'm, I'm just a garbage man, see you around"!
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Postby CheeZee » Tue Nov 01, 2005 12:03 pm

lol..

too many but i'll drop em in as they make it through the mental fog :wink:

" best quote this week ...

my bud going to his nans funeral : ...

" cheeZe , do ya wanna come too ..might be some girls there ?! " ...

lmao .. cold but entertaining ! .. ( no i didnt go but thought about it ! :twisted: )
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Postby Driftingalong » Tue Nov 01, 2005 7:49 pm

Someone sent these to me. More painful than funny...

BRAIN CRAMPS



(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?


Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.


``````````````````````````````````

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
--Mariah Carey


````````````

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"
--Brooke Shields, during an interview to become
Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.


`````````````````````````````````````````````````



"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.



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"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.


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"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."
--Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.


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"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"
--A congressional candidate in Texas.


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"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark


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"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
--Al Gore, Vice President


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"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
--Dan Quayle


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"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
--Lee Iacocca


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"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." -
--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.



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"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
--Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instrutor.



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"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
--Bill Clinton, President


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"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
--Al Gore, VP


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"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
--Keppel Enderbery


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"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina


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"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
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Postby surferdude_scarborough » Tue Nov 01, 2005 10:53 pm

no bushisms yet. im impressed
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Postby gulfsurfer » Wed Nov 02, 2005 2:15 am

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
--Al Gore, Vice President

:lol: ahahaha. He's even more stupid then bush
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Postby CheeZee » Thu Nov 03, 2005 11:56 am

...hehehe ...all class :wink:
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Postby mai » Fri Nov 04, 2005 2:28 pm

These are fm Homer Simpson (my fav)

Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal.
Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.
++

Homer: Aw, twenty dollars! I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts!
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services!
Homer: Woo-hoo!

+++
Marge: Homer! There's someone here who can help you...
Homer: Is it Batman?
Marge: No, he's a scientist.
Homer: Batman's a scientist?!
Marge: It's not Batman!

++
and fm Jerry Seinfeld tv show:

- Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge? :lol:
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Postby CheeZee » Fri Nov 04, 2005 4:15 pm

- Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him,


lol.. thats exactly why i dont own a dog !! ..

" and someone tell me , why the hell is it that people use a really thin plastic bag to put it in ..and then walk along swinging it like their proud of it :shock: ??!!
If it was me i'd have some covert lil'airtight lunchbox disguise going on so's people didnt know i was carrying the crap !!! ...

humans are strange ... glad im not one :twisted:
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Postby mai » Fri Nov 04, 2005 4:42 pm

lol I like dogs...in the backyard of my neighbor jeje
Seriously .. I really like animals but I dont like to have them making poop in the streets or parks. Maybe if I had a big country house .. more freedom :D
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Postby CheeZee » Fri Nov 04, 2005 4:46 pm

... lol... " big country house over here ! ..now what time would you like to move in and how old are you again :D :twisted: :D

... sorry its friday ..i have to flirt heavily near the weekends ..its traditional :lol:
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Postby mai » Fri Nov 04, 2005 4:52 pm

ready to move?? dont tempt me jaja we'll be surfing all the time :roll: :wink:
Last edited by mai on Thu Nov 10, 2005 5:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby CheeZee » Fri Nov 04, 2005 6:37 pm

:lol: ... " but of course we would be surfing all the time madam " ...

" why are there other things that men and women do that i havnt been told about ??! :shock: :oops: 8)
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Postby CheeZee » Fri Nov 04, 2005 6:38 pm

lol..sorry , still flirting but dont worry it'll fade by monday :D :lol:
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Postby mai » Fri Nov 04, 2005 6:51 pm

CheeZee wrote::lol: ... " but of course we would be surfing all the time madam " ...

" why are there other things that men and women do that i havnt been told about ??! :shock: :oops: 8)


I was missing you already!! :lol:

jaja yes dear there are a couple of awesome things that women and men can do besides surfing, I thought it was the least we can do :wink:

put some beer in the fridge!
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Postby libby » Fri Nov 04, 2005 8:42 pm

Another surfing waves romance!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cheezee email her NOW! :D :D :D
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Postby CheeZee » Fri Nov 04, 2005 8:55 pm

:lol: ... beer in fridge , log on fire & music on repeat ..." now where were we madam :wink: :twisted: :shock: :oops: :roll: :oops: 8)


hehehe Lib's .. ( cheezee stares at ceiling with finger in mouth and swaying like an 8yr old kid ! )
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Postby oldiebeginner » Fri Nov 04, 2005 10:09 pm

someone throw a bucket of water over em :)
although the beer in the fridge does sound tempting :wink:
CheeZee you stud muffin 8)
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Postby CheeZee » Fri Nov 04, 2005 11:16 pm

lol.. " Nooooo " ..dont throw water over me .. that just makes me worse !! :lol: , next thing ya know i'll be running to the cupboard to put on me wetty and rub a bit o'wax up my stick :twisted: :lol: :twisted: .." waaa-haaay

.. not so much "stud muffin" these days more "Nags scone" i reckon :lol:
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