New Dad Question

[juannyt]

Ok, so I'm looking to enlist some advice from any dads out there.

Is it possible to still surf after the baby shows up?

My wife is a couple weeks from giving birth to our first kid. Outside from all the usual terror this gives way too, I find myself (selfishly) worried about finding time to surf after the new baby shows up. I realize the first month or so is probably out of the question, but what about after that? Everyone makes it sound like anything you like doing will magically vanish once the kid shows up. Is this true?

I live in LA about 20 minutes from my main break. I have no problems showing up for sunrise and back home by 8:00 AM. Are these dawn patrol sessions even a thing of the past or can I squeeze in a few a week still? I do have a flexible job in sales and work from home at least a couple days a week so am thinking that might help.

Any advice from folks who have gone through this is appreciated.

[oldmansurfer]

I guess that it depends on you and your wife and that it is too late to have your wife read this http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/04/03/never-date-a-surfer_n_6990812.html?ir=Hawaii If your wife doesn't allow you to surf then no surfing for you. In Hawaii, the beach is a family outing where all ages go together and enjoy various beach activities including surfing. I can understand that in colder climates this may not be so as well with mixed marriages....you know a surfer and a non surfer. Anyway I am sure it will be different with each marriage as it seems to be with all those surfers I know who have children and are married. I have no children so mostly just making a joke and waiting for others to post

[dtc]

One of my 'no 1' lessons for new parents (dads or mums) is that you absolutely need to have 'self time'. Whatever you do during that time is up to you, but it has to be something that isnt baby related. Surf of course is ideal. But yoga or gym or just reading a book in a cafe or seeing a movie. Whatever

Sort it out with your wife up front. Yes the first month isnt really a good time and it will be harder for her to get away. But if you surf 2 or 4 hours a week, then guarantee to her that she gets the same amount of time to do whatever she wants. Make sure that you do whatever you need to do to give her that time (indeed, if necessary force her to do something) - although, of course, dont head out on a planned surfing day if your kid has been awake for the last 15 hours straight. Sometimes you need to be flexible!

It can be odd to do things by yourself that you expect to do with a partner eg going to movies. But if you dont go to a movie by yourself, you will never go to that movie. Just deal with the fact its not ideal. My wife and I even went on separate overseas holidays. Yes, it wasnt ideal but we both did things we otherwise would not have been able to do (or not do for many years)

As the kid(s) get older, you can develop other routines as needed, depending on work and so forth.

In any case - definitely keep surfing as it keeps your sanity. But make it an equal sanity keeping opportunity - give your wife equal time to do whatever she wants to do.

[billie_morini]

JuannyT, are you kidding?! Teach that child to love the beach and to surf! You'll provide indomitable love for nature and bonding with child beyond belief. Case in point, my father played minor league baseball and rode motorcycles. He involved me in both sports. Couple of moto thrills: 1) Racing down River Road on motorcycles every morning as he went to work and I went to high school, and 2) as a young professional, we'd meet in different locations in N. America with our BMW touring motos and hit it hard and fast. It is not possible to describe the impact on each of us.

I worked several years with a contracts manager that was dyed in wool surfer. His daughter literally grew up on the beach because he was always surfing in San diego and had a nice crew of guys and gals. You don't have to go as deep as my colleague, but you should move his this direction. You baby/child/teen/young adult will be forever imprinted and thank you. And, you'll receive from this, too!

[billie_morini]

One more note, juannyt: if forum mate Saltydog has time to weigh in, I am sure he will echo and reinforce what I'm suggesting. Salty often has wee ones in tow when the surf is up!

[Oldie]

I agree with the above, and surfing with family is fanastic. But a newborn Baby on the beach is maybe pushing it. That I would think is more for next year. But definitely, both you and your wife need time for yourselves, so if your wife is ok with your dawn sessions and you can get up that early after your Baby kept you awake for hours - go for it. I agreed for regular time for golf with my wife for which I am forever grateful. It did not make my daughter a golfer, though.

[juannyt]

This all sounds like sound advice. Thanks for putting my mind at ease a bit. I guess it’s like most things and comes down to compromise...and loads of caffeine.

[steveylang]

One thing is true after you have kids- you start to find your weekends and free time are no longer your time, they are mostly family time from now on. But by no means does that mean you can't keep surfing.

Give it a few weeks for everyone to settle in. At first, you might be able to sneak out for a session here and there depending on the circumstances, let's say when your wife has friends or family over to see the baby.

After a bit you, your wife, and the baby will settle into a more-or-less routine, and then you will have a pretty good idea when and how often you'll be able to surf. You'll probably want to figure out a schedule with your wife such that you both get arranged time off during the week, so it's not just you going out and doing your thing. Your willingness to do dawn patrol and your job flexibility bodes really well for you! I'm in LA too about half an hour from Malibu (have 2 daughters), and I do dawn patrol before work a couple of times a week, and occasionally a Sunday morning too.

On a side note- this is probably the best article I have ever read on being a parent (a little heavy but worth the read)-
https://jenniferlawler.com/for-jessica/

[Millsy82]

My girlfriend is good as gold. I'm out about 6-8 hours a week I just work it around my family.

My daughter is 10 months old and I was out 2 weeks after she was born. I earnt loads of brownie points in the first 2 weeks and got told to go out surfing for a couple of hours.

I've found dawnies are out as when I'm not working I give my girlfriend a lie in so usually either once she gets up or late in the evening once my daughter is in bed.

[pmcaero]

I'd say, for your first sessions, arrange for when family is visiting or friends of your wife's are over, so that you have the peace of mind of an extra person taking care of the baby while you are out.

[roaringblood]

The best advice I give other dads is that having kids defines the difference between what you like and what you love. For me I love rock n roll and surfing and 6 years after my first kid I still go to at least one punk show a week, I still play in bands, and surf an average of 1-2 sessions a week.

No, I don't have as much free time as I did before I became a dad. But a lot of that free time was spent on people and things I wasn't passionate about anyways. And there are compromises, marathon hours long sessions are not a thing for me anymore and sometimes I have to cut my surfing short so my wife can have time to do something she wants to do.

One last bit of encouragement, after 20+ years in the punk scene I have made zero rock n roll dad friends. After having kids the number of surfing buddies has gone from 1 to nearly a dozen all of whom I met on the beach because we had kids the same age. Most Sunday afternoons we take turns watching the kids at the beach and surfing.

[saltydog]

One more note, juannyt: if forum mate Saltydog has time to weigh in, I am sure he will echo and reinforce what I'm suggesting. Salty often has wee ones in tow when the surf is up!

Sorry to be late for the party. When I started surfing, my wee ones were not so little already so it was/it is fairly easy for me to find the time to surf. But as dtc said earlier, you (and your wife too) should make an effort to fit some alone time. Discuss with your wife beforehand so you'd have your sessions in a meantime your wife gets to have her time for a walk, coffee with her friends, whatever. Raising a child is a long term project so make sure to take care of yourself along the way. Congrats on your first baby

[billie_morini]

Just a simple note here from today. Roxy Ridgeback and I went to Mesa Lane today. It was a beautiful day in all regards. On the long stair well down from the mesa, we met a young couple, their black dog, and their baby. We were destined to become friendly because we encountered each other several times during the next two hours. Upon inquiry, it was revealed this little baby girl was 4 months old. She'd been going to the beach with Mama & Pappa for 3 months. All in all, we met a lovely & delightful family.

[Big H]

You might find your priorities change.....my habits didn’t change much until a few years after their births (my kids) when we started to go outside the house and do things.

[kookRachelle]

I have nothing to add to this thread as I don't have kids, but holy sh** did I LOL at the original post and Huff post article!!

[juannyt]

Alright, so for anyone about to have a kid who finds this I thought I would post a follow up.

Our daughter Gabriella was born one week ago today! The first week was no doubt chaotic, but like anything we’re finding a rhythm. I’ve negotiated a surf session with the wife tomorrow, as I agreed to watch the baby today while she went to the nail salon. My guess is this is how it will work...a system of give and take so that life is in balance. But being in the water one week after the baby showed up in better than I could have imagined.

I see my surf time decreasing, but not disappearing. And like others mentioned, time with the new family is amazing in itself so I don’t feel I’m missing anything.

Cheers and good luck to all with growing families!

[dtc]

Fantastic and congrats (great name as well). You will be aware that the first few weeks offer false hope of an easy baby, but you have started off with the right attitude so I’m sure you will keep going!