by oldmansurfer » Thu Sep 28, 2017 9:05 pm
by oldmansurfer » Thu Sep 28, 2017 11:16 pm
by Big H » Fri Sep 29, 2017 1:39 am
by oldmansurfer » Fri Sep 29, 2017 4:40 am
by dtc » Fri Sep 29, 2017 8:12 am
oldmansurfer wrote:There aren't too many women who complain about guys always buying them drinks when they go to a bar. .
by BaNZ » Fri Sep 29, 2017 2:05 pm
by oldmansurfer » Fri Sep 29, 2017 5:52 pm
dtc wrote:
I think you would be surprised at how often women really don't want someone to buy them a drink at a bar. They may not speak up, although my brother was a barman for quite a few years and nowadays rejected drinks are pretty common (in fact, he used to tell guys 'I'll ask the women if she wants a drink before you buy it, otherwise you are probably going to waste your money')
by Mlee2surf » Fri Sep 29, 2017 8:59 pm
by oldmansurfer » Fri Sep 29, 2017 10:53 pm
by waikikikichan » Fri Sep 29, 2017 11:12 pm
Mlee2surf wrote: I often find it hard to accept advice gracefully because it means the other person has judged me as not good enough.
by Big H » Sat Sep 30, 2017 12:38 am
by Big H » Sat Sep 30, 2017 12:39 am
Mlee2surf wrote:I couldn't resist signing up just to reply to this one! I thought you might like a females real life comment. I was actually looking for information on surfing the coast from Costa Rica, where I am now, south through Panama etc which was my original plan but I have been in Costa Rica for 4 months so it is time to go back to Australia. My other option is a 39 hour series of flights via the US (cheaper and quicker - 39 hours straight travel time - but transiting through the US ...)
I wanted to start surfing when I was 12 but had no friends doing it and when I took my sisters huge board out at the break where my Dad was a Life Saver a young adolescent male said "Chick surfer - f..k off". Although my father had taught me how to move back and forth on my finless Coolight foam board (1960's version) and I could paddle it on my knees and laying down I had no idea how to stand up and surf. From then on until I was in my 20's I watched guys surf, lay on the beach and body surfed.
I hate getting unsolicited advice. I started riding a knee board when I was 21 and yes, I probably looked awkward tying to kick (so was further back on the board than when I was paddling) however I could get more traction kicking. I remember guys telling me to move further up my board. Not so bad then as I knew I wasn't great at first. But nearly 40 years on and I was out at Chicama, Peru (now riding a SUP) when another SUPer asked if he could give me some advice. Really - I had just caught some of the longest waves, (overhead high) in my life and he has advice for me!! I had actually observed his paddle style and thought he could improve, but I wasn't about to paddle over and tell him. I have often reflected on why it makes me so annoyed and I think it is that it is an assumption not based on need. I often find it hard to accept advice gracefully because it means the other person has judged me as not good enough. Definitely, if someone is sitting in a place that is dangerous to others and obviously has no idea give advice, but don't make assumptions based on gender. They are just the first and last times that advice has been given but there have been a few in between. I usually find though, once someone sees you make a good wave their attitude changes.
Make-up and bikinis are ridiculous for surfing. I surfed with a 21 year old 'fashion surfer' on a surf cruise adventure in Lombok, Indonesia and this Instagram model surfer was all about looks. One day she was a bit burnt from surfing in bikinis the day before. She wanted to wear a T-shirt but was having trouble tying it at the back. I asked why she didn't wear a rash vest. And she said it wasn't cool - she couldn't be seen wearing one - how sad. Instead she must have to put tons of toxic sunscreen all over her body, and her skin will still age radically. I know I am older and beyond worrying about what others think but for these girls/women their sponsorship and livelihood depend on how raunchy they look in the photos. I saw one photo of her bum in the air with a G-string bikini - very off. I remember one guy saying one time - I dont want to be surfing with bums and tits in my face if they are just sitting around trying to look good.
In my 20's and 30's I surfed in the South West of Australia where the waves are powerful. There were not many female surfers until my friends kids became old enough (Taj Burrows Grom era). I was usually surfing with guys. When I moved to a remote part of South Australia (mid 2000's) there were lots of female surfers my age and younger. They had been part of a club when they were starting and had older sisters who could drive and carry the long boards on the roof. I find surfing with a group of girls very different to when there are mainly guys. I never talk much anyway, and notice some guys chat more than girls, but there is a difference that we call "testosterone in the water". I think of it as a feminine way of being, whether that is in leadership and business or sport. It is not about being as equally strong-fit and aggressive as males. Any male can access his feminine- it is about connecting with nature, kindness and compassion.
I visited Queensland in the 1990s and there were a lot of female long board riders on gentle peeling waves. I dont think many surfed the big, powerful storms. However, it has all changed now and I admire the young, fit surfers, female, male or undescribed, any culture or nationality who are respectful and share as per surfing etiquette- giving another a wave because of kindness or because they are better positioned is great. Being condescending or as a way to chat up in the line up is in my opinion not OK. And my thoughts on being bought a drink - remembering back to my teens and 20's - as far as I was concerned most guys wanted something called sex for the price of the drinks. A generalisation I know as just a few weeks ago an older male surfer offered to buy me a coconut. I bought him one the next day. We are so not used to expecting something as a gift that it is hard to think the other person doesn't want something in return.
Thanks for posting this. I have been wanting to tell this story for a while.
by saltydog » Sat Sep 30, 2017 1:57 am
waikikikichan wrote:Mlee2surf wrote: I often find it hard to accept advice gracefully because it means the other person has judged me as not good enough.
Well with that, I guess I'll be not giving advice anymore as I don't want it to be seen as judging any of you. Some people ( like myself ) just honestly want to "help" others and make this world a better place. But maybe it's best to keep to my self and mind my own business.
by oldmansurfer » Sat Sep 30, 2017 2:08 am
by dtc » Sat Sep 30, 2017 2:11 am
by saltydog » Sat Sep 30, 2017 2:39 am
dtc wrote:Thanks Mlee2surf, great post
I think saltydog hits the nail on the head - if someone (male or female) is clearly making mistakes over and over or is obviously not sure, then a bit of advice may be appropriate. But ask the question first - 'I was just noticing you were nose diving, do you mind if I give you a quick tip?'. Sure most people will feel uncomfortable saying no (although they could say 'I'm fine, I've got it'); but having said 'ok', then being given that quick tip in a non patronising manner, they can't get upset.
In the sales part of my job we are told 'ask permission to sell, don't just launch straight into the sales pitch'. The psychologists tell us this is much more effective - people don't like being sold something (including helpful advice) because of the strings attached belief. You disarm this reaction by asking permission and specifying what you are going to provide (eg a quick tip).
by RinkyDink » Sat Sep 30, 2017 5:18 pm
by oldmansurfer » Sat Sep 30, 2017 6:03 pm
by kookRachelle » Sat Sep 30, 2017 7:51 pm
RinkyDink wrote:I'or B) try to be nice and then have to push the weiner dog away from dry humping their arm every two minutes
by Big H » Sat Sep 30, 2017 9:40 pm
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