looking for some perspectives from the older guys

[pmcaero]

I think OMS is a paramedic or something like that (I may be completely wrong!) So 'on call' means a different thing to what you are thinking

I don't want to speak for anyone, but I think such professions work in shifts.

[pmcaero]

Sadly not really an option as we're just outside London, so the closest waves would be Wales, about 3 hours away. Only really doable for holidays.

can you stay in the UK but live closer to waves? I know you're splitting from your wife, she will probably get custody, so you will have more free time and not be too tied to a location.
It might not be SA but there's still a very active surf scene, and no sharks.

[Jynn]

workwise that's difficult, but certainly something to consider if I must stay here.

[Jynn]

interestingly, for me surfing is challenging and its more like competitive sports than relaxation - I enjoy competition so thats fine; but a good session and its like I won the game on the weekend and I'm on a high; a bad session and I'm grumpy like I was when I lost during my competition days. On the other hand, going to the gym relaxes me. Gardening is just a chore; golf is ok cos I know I suck.

Funny, it's opposite for me. I don't care if I surf badly that session, as long as I get waves, just standing on that board does it for me (although falling just before that perfect barrel section is of course very frustrating). It's the only sport I've found where you can still have fun even if you're doing it badly.

[oldmansurfer]

I think OMS is a paramedic or something like that (I may be completely wrong!) So 'on call' means a different thing to what you are thinking

I don't want to speak for anyone, but I think such professions work in shifts.

I am a self employed veterinarian

[waikikikichan]

I am now 48. Moved from Hawaii to Tokyo, Japan. In Hawaii, I could bike to the beach in 20 minutes. Now sometimes it's a 3 hour drive. Before, never needed a wetsuit. Now, always except for 2 weeks in summer. Surf here is mainly dumpy beach break, back home it was beautiful reef break if Waikiki. I could surf 3-4 times a week, now its once/twice a month.
But I moved for my wife and to help the children of Japan. When I do go back for 2-3 weeks in Spring, I just try to make the most of it. Can you just plan a surf trip once a year to refresh your body and mind ?

[dtc]

I think OMS is a paramedic or something like that (I may be completely wrong!) So 'on call' means a different thing to what you are thinking

I don't want to speak for anyone, but I think such professions work in shifts.

I am a self employed veterinarian

Huh, I was almost right, if by 'almost' you mean wrong species!

[pmcaero]

I am a self employed veterinarian

Forget all I said. Godspeed sir!

[DreamSurf]

Can there be a middle ground? Stay in the UK, surf once a week, on weekends, or when kids are staying with your ex wife? Wherever you are in the UK, there seems to be waves within 100 miles, maybe not the best at all times, but better than being landlocked

+1

I am 43 with family and work obligations living in a coastal California town where waves aren't that great most of the time. As we get older we have more elements that matter to us like family and work while trying to maintain a certain level of quality in life as a surfer. See if you can find the balance that you can live with, say live in a coastal town in UK and take extended vacations often to visit friends and other family members in SA. Things could have been a lot worse. Good thing your wife isn't considering a move to the mountain region of China of something.

Wow, we sound like a bunch of dull, sensible adults!

so many things come into mind. when we pleasure ourselves im always with the guilty conscience that i should enjoy and male my kids happy. skate n surf is a consuming sport. u cant just stop for long. it is also very tiring when you lose a skill or trick and try to re achieve it. and then losing it again cause u just simply dont do it every day like u used to.

not only are they time consuming. they cost us money and travel. yes its healthy and enjoyable. but it is really an egoistic sport unless yall skate n surf in the family. sometimes i take my wife to the beach. yes we swim. but hey im going to surf now. yes responsibility that is.

questions like this always rise

im not doing enough for myself
and so you dont like snowboarding or football no no no you like surfing. that kind of is an inner me fight that we have to balance as responsible parents.

but then at the other hand u dont wanna end up being 65 when your obviously not at your best anymore and say i didnt do it.

its mixed i tell you.

one thing is sure.
im happy with my wife n kids and all that. but you will always have that stoke to surf. and when u cant answer that stoke it becomes a stab in your chest. sadly

its a fact

life is too short

we want it all but cant do it all.

[RinkyDink]

This might not apply, but it's something to consider. You might be idealizing surfing and SA because you feel separated or cut off from the fullness of your normal family life. In other words, the grass is always greener in the past or some place else. I suspect if you find a way to restore a meaningful role for yourself in your family life (however that might change or be reinvigorated in your current situation), then the surfing side of your life will work itself out.

[jaffa1949]

Jynn , I would suggest you have a hard and brutal look at all the aspects of your marriage, from both your point of view and hers and most importantly the children.
Forget the numb looks about surfing for the rest of the family, look for what is the solution that works for your wife and you. It may mean together it may mean apart! Go back to what did work, ask why it isn't now!

Surfing is only one symptom of your problems look at the other symptoms too!

67 first marriage fail have a none surfing wife, we have worked and backed each other with her three sons since 1980.
The best thing since prostate cancer surgery is my wife encouraging me to heal and resume surfing.
Look thoroughly and deeply. Good luck, talk more as you need it!

BTW, I plan to go to the Duke Kahananahoku festival and ride a wave beside her while rides in an outrigger canoe

[DreamSurf]

with all respect jaffa. i really dont want to put the divorce into thinking. there are also kids and such. in any scenario life canb become really bad after divorce. in the islamic hadith it says: the least wanted by allah that he permitted is divorce.
So even though it is permitted it is very disliked.

ok yeah thats religion. but it is also bad in real life practice. kids need a male example.
and yeah even on the juridical side. maybe the wife he once loved becomes poisonous and bad and sue him back to back and take his kids.

no need to take that road.

but i do agree. you said look for something that works best. there is a middle way. but sometimes also sacrifice.
why do we pêople think we have the right to be happy?
i mean im happy and also sad. but the way i see it once i surf n skate everyday i think but but but. so many new ifs. maybe it was better if i sayed at home. and i love my daughter and and. and when i get home im like buut hey daughter you look so beautifull.
and then im happy LOL

maybe he is just destined to only surf 5 times a year or 3 per month. i dont think a wife would say no to the idea if a man consequently plans it.

currently im learning spanish. after that i look for a job there. and if i get the job ill move to there. in that case family satability has been maintained and my wife will follow me. her new objective when she lives there is culture and language.
yeah that sounded good ;p

but even that can be a hard road. like: your wife is determined to stay in her native land. or she moved with u and turned out to not be happy.

like i said we think we have the right to be happy. but arent we supposed to give sacrifice sometimes? and only be happy sometimes :p
really adiscussion as this is pretty big. and all i can tell is that he has to keep what he has and look for a middle solution and he has to consider a sacrifice. and ofcourse the wife as well. cause thats life. we cant be happy all the time. but one thing is sure your happty with your wife n kids and the stability.

blabla huh LOL

yeah man

[Apolx]

Hi Jynn, I am an older guy (52) with kids and some break ups behind me. I stopped surfing for a number of years but took it up again and now I surf most days (I'm in Sydney).
For me I appreciate every wave so much more than when I was younger. I have never enjoyed surfing so much. It's a very big part of my life.
Then again so are my kids. For what it's worth I reckon maybe sort the kids first cause if you don't you'll feel like xxxxx. Then work out how you're going to surf. I took up skateboarding at age 43 in concrete bowls which is kind of a big like surfing- I did break a leg though so be careful.
All the best.