Banned from surfing what do I do?

[Newbloke]

Ok so my parents are asian and that means anything to do with the beach is a no go. I took up surfing and after being stupid enough to leave my board on my couch, they found out and went ballistic. Me being 20 thought nothing of it til the banned me from the beach and everything.

So how do I talk them out of this wen trying has already failed so badly? Supposedly dad spent all night sitting on the porch mumbling to himself about my studpidity, drowning and getting eaten by sharks...

Worse comes to worse, I plan on moving out to get my independance allowing me to surf but even then they're tracking me like spys.. tried to sneak out 1 morn for a surf only to be blocked by mum who is never up that early!

[jaffa1949]

Wow that's really sad but cultural prejudices run so deep as that do this to you.
Maybe there are some good character surfers of your ethnic and cultural group with whom you can associate and then bring them home to show your parents you will survive.
I've been surfing for over fifty years and my mother died still hoping I'd grow out of it.
Indonesians used to be afraid of surf and now there are kids surfing everywhere.
I know this is a slightly rude question but in what country do you live because if you live in an Asian country then you might be stuck with following your family's wishes or if in the west then you might have a better chance to break out to follow your passion.
I can't offer you a solution yet, tell us a little more about your circumstances there might be someone who can help!

[Newbloke]

Thanks Jaffa, I know what you mean. Yeh Im an aussie, parents from china. Problem growing up is that I've taken up everything here from playing aussie rules footy, partying it up, to becoming a vet instead of the typical pathway of going to med school. I guess this was the breaking point for them and they just went off telling me asians and the ocean don't mix. Dad even spent the night sitting on the couch mumbling to himself about my stupidity and if I drowned that it would serve me right.

Not sure how to go about this because in the end I do love my parents and they mean alot to me, but just as much I want my freedom.

[Rico]

I am shocked.

telling me asians and the ocean don't mix

For what reason?

[jaffa1949]

Thanks Jaffa, I know what you mean. Yeh Im an aussie, parents from china. Problem growing up is that I've taken up everything here from playing aussie rules footy, partying it up, to becoming a vet instead of the typical pathway of going to med school. I guess this was the breaking point for them and they just went off telling me asians and the ocean don't mix. Dad even spent the night sitting on the couch mumbling to himself about my stupidity and if I drowned that it would serve me right.

Not sure how to go about this because in the end I do love my parents and they mean alot to me, but just as much I want my freedom.

I have a great mate here in OZ who is Chinese did the right thing and became a dentist, discovered surfing at retirement age, hasn't looked back.
He did explain one important fact that non Asian Aussies need to be aware of is that often the migrated parents work their guts out to ensure that that their children will never be in poverty so they are supported in going to University. Top stuff really.
But the down side is the extra leverage the parents have with emotional blackmail!
Good news here often vets make more money than GP doctors.


We all know parents can have a different of rationalities than we do so if you can engineer it ask your parents what their specific objections are, because so much of a non surfer's fear is totally irrational. maybe you can tackle it that way.
Try too, talking about how you want them to know what you are doing, because keeping surfing secret or lying about it would be without honour, find among your Gweilo ( not used here derogatorily) colleagues at Uni some surfers or even better a Chinese surfer and team up. call it networking with your peers. Safer than aussie rules and uni parties IMO.

[kitesurfer]

Ok so my parents are asian and that means anything to do with the beach is a no go.

Why is this? Please explain.

KS

[Newbloke]

Cheers guys for your support. They actually never gave me a reason only just said that you are asian and we just don't mix with the beach. Hey Jaffa, I would try your idea but honestly, it's hard communicating with parents who don't speak english very well whom are very narrow minded in that what they say is what goes. Furthermore, my mates aren't surfers (they consider the sport 'queer' haha - I just think they're missing out!)

But yeah for the time being, I think I might just lay off till everything cools down for a bit, try again and worse comes to worse tell them I'll move out because I need my independance.

Thanks all.

[offshore]

Dude, your story reminded my own version. I'm Asian too and my parents were pretty much as you described. Unlike a typical Asian I don't have a close relationship with my folks - exactly because they tried to dictate MY life.

The thing is, you have obviously been growing up soaking the Aussie culture, and I hope you are independant thinking. Remember it is YOUR life. No one can tell you how you should live it, not even your parents. It is their problem, not yours for not supporting what you want to do.

The best solution is just move out - you are 20, it is more than old enough to start a life on your own. You may need to take up financial responsibilitiesof your own instead of free loading. But that initial pain is so worth not having your folks breathing down your neck. In any case if you become a vet you are sorted for life

From my own experience, if your parents are old fashion Asians, then they will NOT change their mind. Hence by leaving the nest and build your own life they have no choice but to accept your life style eventually.

[naniekso]

Dude, your story reminded my own version. I'm Asian too and my parents were pretty much as you described. Unlike a typical Asian I don't have a close relationship with my folks - exactly because they tried to dictate MY life.

The thing is, you have obviously been growing up soaking the Aussie culture, and I hope you are independant thinking. Remember it is YOUR life. No one can tell you how you should live it, not even your parents. It is their problem, not yours for not supporting what you want to do.

The best solution is just move out - you are 20, it is more than old enough to start a life on your own. You may need to take up financial responsibilitiesof your own instead of free loading. But that initial pain is so worth not having your folks breathing down your neck. In any case if you become a vet you are sorted for life

From my own experience, if your parents are old fashion Asians, then they will NOT change their mind. Hence by leaving the nest and build your own life they have no choice but to accept your life style eventually.

hes right. im persian so i have strick parents too. they just want u to study instead

tell them your going to the library!

[Surfer513]

you are who you are, dude. if you feel this certain way about surfing, which I'd say a lot of us do on here, then you can't change it nor should you want to. parents or no parents, you're at the age now where that relationship should be traditional and comforting at best. but surely not necessary.

surf, man. move out. might be the best decision you make. sounds like your padres have quite the grasp on many aspects of your life. just my opinion and what I would do.

[billie_morini]

Newbloke,
couple of stories to help you see you are not alone and can find your way forward.

1. I taught a Korean woman to surf in Los Angeles area. Her father was worried sick she would be eaten by shark or swept to sea. Neither of these bad things occured. She was comfortable acting against her parents' wishes because she had completed Uni, has a great career going, and lives in her own aparment / supports herself.

2. Many years ago, a young Chinese engineer at work came to me with a problem very similar to yours. He wanted a motorcycle. Parents were completely against it. They believed that since he completed Uni and working professionally, he should be respectable ("use an automobile") and be safe. Funny thing is that when he was a Uni student, his parents gave him a medium-sized motorcycle so that he would have reliable and inexpensive transportation for study. As a young engineer, he was living in his parents home. He asked me about hiding a motorcycle at a friends house. I told him not to do because a) it would not be honorable to himself or his parents, and b) to think how his parents would feel and think to find out he had a secret motorcycle because he had an accident / got wracked up. He decided to wait. About 2 years later, he got married (to a Filapino!! Wow, did that cause a flap in his family!), got his own home, and bought a motorcycle. No problems ensued.

3. When I was a young teenager, my father bought a motorcycle for me. I loved it. He eventually filled our garage with motorcycles - one or two for each family member. He and I used to tour New England together. Years later, we began touring the US together. In one of the earlier national tours, we were talking at a ferry dock. I was about 32 years old and told him how much I appreciated that he a) gave them to me as a teenager, and b) placed our home in a rural area where I could enjoy 10's of thousands of off-road acres and lots of country roads. He said he had always been interested in motorcycles, but my Mom / his wife was against it. Then my father revealed his long term plan: 1) have a son, 2) buy motorcycles for son, and 3) buy motorcycles for himself once Mom was accustomed to the idea of motorcycles. It blew my mind to learn he had conceived, let alone executed, a 20 year plan like this!

So Newbloke, this is not worth permanent damage to the relationship between you and your parents. Find a way to ease your parents into accepting it by surfing with siblings or close relatives OR simply wait until you can dictacte your circumstances. And, don't do something that will impact your future in a negative way. For example, if your parents make it possible for you to study and obtain a valuable Uni degree (engineering, science, law, mathematics, etc.), then stay the course. You'll be pleasantly surprised at how much better life can be ehrn you can find ready and rewarding employment, as well as, make a nice salary. I have these things and can attest it is wonderful to be able to buy a new wetsuit, guitar, house, etc., when I want without years of scrimping and without significant consideration. Yeah, so I'm not the best surfer out there, but gas & lunch money are never an issue.

DISCLAIMER: No offense intended to others that enjoy a different life style than me or measure success differently than I have above.

[prawerski]

Dude, you have one life. You don't know when it will end and you don't know what comes after. If surfing makes you happy, you just gotta do it. You don't want to be lying on your deathbed one day with only your only memories being of how you lived your life on someone else's terms. Some decisions in life are hard, but those are often the most important ones to make.

[PhilSD]

I say try and respect the rules when you are still living under their roof. You can always move out to fix that though!

[PapaW]

How about talking about the benefits and positives of surfing?

Healthy, improves swimming skill (which means your less likely to drown as you say your parents fear.) etc

[Bub]

I guess my question is, if surfing weren't your hobby/interest when you weren't studying to become a vet, what would be acceptable active/athletic hobbies that would be acceptable for your parents? It sounds like he just thinks its a dangerous hobby to partake in. If your father thinks its too dangerous of a hobby to partake in, perhaps you could help educate him on the risks/odds etc of the sport and then perhaps to honour him you could compromise to surf only in the safest conditions after you educate him about the risks and odds.

Or you become a hippie artist who smokes weed and drops acid every day and see how he likes that decision.

[Soniahaha-]

Don't Asian people eat shark? maybe that'll settle your dad to remind him that :p ok this is not funny
Take your dad out to a bit of surfing or at least body boarding if he's athletic enough, or try to put it as a very important thing for you and make him/them understand stopping would "kill" you!