The Rubbish Joke Thread!!

[sinistapenguin]

Here's a rubbish joke or 3 that I heard this morning - don't you love e-mail:

1. A man goes to a zoo, when he gets there, there is only one animal to see and it's a dog!


It was a Shitzu!


2.Two monkeys in the bath, one says "oooh oooh ahh ahh ahh".
The other one says "Put some cold in then!!"


3. Baby Balloon can't sleep, so he gets in bed with Mummy & Daddy balloon. But, there isn't enough space, so he lets some air out of himself. It's still a bit of a squeeze so he lets some air out of daddy balloon. Still not happy, he lets some air out of his mummy. Ahhhhh, perfect, he drops into a long and peaceful sleep.

In the morning he wakes to find daddy balloon looking angry.

"Son, not only have you let yourself down, but you've let your mother and I down too!"

I told you - rubbish jokes!

[k mac]

man walked in to chippy with a trout under his arm ...he says ,

"got any fish cakes?"

chippy bloke says "no sorry !"

man with trout under arm says "t'is ok ...just its the fishes birthday!!"

[el_timmo]

A man walks into the baker's naked except for some glad wrap around his waist.... The Baker says "I can clearly see your nuts"

I walked into the Butcher's the other day and bet him 50 quid he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelkf... He said "No, the stakes are too high"

[moncho]

A bin man is doing his morning rounds loading up the dustbin van when he gets to a house that hasn't put its wheelie bin out. Since he is running a little early, he decides to do a good deed and has a look around to see if they'd left it in the back garden... but he doesn't find them. Being the kind bin man he is, he decides to save the residents a week of having rubbish stinking out their house so he goes up to the door and knocks.
No reply.
He knocks again.
No reply.
He knocks really long and hard... and finally hears footsteps running down the stairs. A little chinese man opens the door wearing only a towel and looking flustered.
Bin man: "Sorry to bother you mate but I'm collecting the rubbish... where's ya bin?"
Chinese man: "I... err... I bin... I been in the bath!"
Bin Man: "No no no - where's ya BIN?"
Chinese man: "I just say! I been in the bath!"
Bin Man: "No mate... listen... Where's... Ya... Wheelie... Bin?"
Chinese Man: "Awaite, awaite, God... I weally been having a w.a.n.k!"

[el_timmo]

A man takes his Rottweiller to the vet. "My dog is cross-eyed, is
there anything you can do for him?" "Well," said the vet, "let's have a
look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he
checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy"

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people
in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my Dad, my
older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu? I think its Colin.

Blunkett has just released the following statement:
.... . ... .. .... ... .. .... .. . . . ..... ..
. .. . . ..... . . .
.... . . . . . . ... . ... . . . . . . .
. .. .... . . . . . . ..
.
.... ... . .... . ..... . . . . .... ... .
.... ..... . . . .... .. . ...... ..... . ...... .

. . ......... .. . . ..... ... . .. ........ .. ..
.
... .. .... ... .. .... .. . . . ..... .. . ...
... ....
. . .... . . . . . . ... . ... . . . . .
. . . .. .... . .
.. . . .. . ..... ... . .... . ..... . . . .
... ... . . .
.... ....... . ...... . .... .. . ...... ..... . ...
. . . .
......... .. . . ..... . ........ .. ........ ..... .
.
... .. .... ... .. .... .. . . . ..... .. . .
...

So that's cleared that up then!

[el_timmo]

I got a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine the other day. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic nights we used to enjoy together.

I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that 'magic`. Wow!", I said, "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now! I'm a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me!" She just giggled and said she was sure I'd rise to the challenge!!!

"Yeah" I said, "just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistline that's a few inches wider these days!" She laughed and told me to stop being so silly!

She teased me saying that tubby bald men were cute!
"Anyway, I've put on a few pounds myself!" she giggled...................

So I told her to f*ck off.

[k mac]

pure class !

[el_timmo]

thank but I can't claim those jokes as my own. Every Friday on a windsurfing forum, we have a thread called TGI Friday where we all post jokes to get us through work on a Friday. I stole them from there! Still, very funny jokes