Surfing Waves

it's 430am, Ive just spent another 2 days in hospital and I've had my head down the toilet being sick ever since I got home. I feel pretty miserable and I just wondered whether anyone could cheer me up? Any funny/ interesting stories /pics /news? I haven't been keeping up with much lately, so ANYTHING would interest me (honestly!)

x

Hey there!

Not really got anything to cheer you up with! But I am also awake at ridiculous times. How are you doing? Haven't hard from you in a while.

'Dear IT Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in the overall performance, particularly in the Flower and Jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as: Football 5.0, Rugby 4.3 and Cricket 3.0.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs; it simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, to no avail. What can I do?

Signed, Desperate ------------------
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Dear Desperate:

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.

Try entering the command: C:/I-THOUGHT-YOU-LOVED-ME to download Tears 6.2, which should automatically install Guilt 3.0. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1.

WARNING: Beer 6.1 is a very nasty program that will create Snoring Loudly.

CAUTION: Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law. This is not a supported application and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally would recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck, IT Support ------------------

-----------------------------

Dear IT Support,

18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from DrinkingMates 4.2, which I had used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off.

To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as LadsNightOut 3.1, Football 4.5, and Playboy 6.9. Successive versions of GirlFriend proved no better.

I tried a shareware program, Slapper 2.1, but it had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks.

Eventually, I tried to run GirlFriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to my hardware.

I eventually upgraded to Fiancée 1.0, only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with FreeS*xPlus and Cleanhouse2005.

Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be very unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted.
They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them.

Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary, Explorer and E-mail filter, and can, without warning, launch TurboStrop and Multi-Whinge. These latter products have no Help files, and I have to try to guess what the problem is.

Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Audi TT Convertible hard drive, it often crashes.

Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called MotherInLaw, which can't be turned off.

Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress 2008, but there could be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 2008, it tends to delete all of your Money before uninstalling itself '.

hahahahahahahaha thats fleshin' great mr vee

vee that is ace.

nice story vee!

papaw 's cat is the best

thanks for your contributions i'm not so good at the mo, but feeling a little happier today

I tore tendons in my shoulder last week being a bit too enthusiastic with Gerard.

Doctors in A&E thought it was hilarious. Work think its hilarious. Gerard thinks its hilarious (his sodding fault!!).

Well, I spent the weekend in Long Beach, but not at the beach. I was volunteering for the Special Olympics Summer Games for the Southern California chapter. Seeing all the athletes smiling faces and interacting with them really lifts my spirits when I'm feeling down. And when they're feeling down (especially when they don't place where they wanted to in their competition), I try to remind them of how much fun they had before and during the race, and how much time they get to spend with friends and how many new people they have met through special olympics and all its associated activities. One of the athletes I coach got to light the torch at the opening ceremonies, and one of my sister's friends performed during the opening ceremonies, another great spirit lift there too.

I drank a lot of beer yesterday for father's day. I'm at the office today working (kinda) when I feel like I have to fart. Well short story shorter, I xxxxx my pants and had to throw my underwear in the garbage.

I just got back from a stag week in Ibiza on Sat and I threw up in Ibiza airport, in the plane just after we landed but before we could undo seatbelts, and out of the car window just round the corner from my house . And I still don't feel that great tbh! But I did have an awesome time and Pacha rocks - even tho Gary Davies (80s radio 1 dj) was in the VIP section in front of ours ! And Peter Crouch (footballer) kept turning up at all the places we went during the day and thought we were gangsters cos our guide/concierge kept tipping mdma crystals into the Carva Sangria . Ah well thats how to blow £2k in a week and now reality bites .

all i can say to that, Broosta, is !

I broke my pinky toe this weekend playing beach soccer with my little nephews.

Love the cheese!

Honestly!

my rent check bounced