Lack of confidence and frustration

[Lewbo20]

So I’ve been surfing for about 5 years. I’ve surfed fairy inconsistently during this time. Most summers I have surfed 1 or 2 times a week and then winter maybe just a couple times. I’ve been to Northern Scotland surfing for 4 weeks and surfed some fairly big waves (I consider 6ft quite big). During summer and when it’s really clean up to 4ft i am pretty confident. However, this year so far and last winter has been some of my worst surfing ever. I’ve completely lost confidence in the water.

I have never been a brilliant paddler and the last 5 or 6 times I have been the waves have been reasonably messy but easily doable as my friend can paddle out with ease and plenty of others are surfing. I begin paddling out and get so far but never make it out back before I panic/give up as I have little confidence in the waves. I get so upset afterwards because I know I can surf big waves and paddle out. I have realised that is has to be really clean and 2-3ft for me to surf confidently.

What is more frustrating is that after 5 years I feel I am getting no better at surfing and I am so inconsistent with my ability to surf the waves. What is also inconsistent is my confidence, some days when it is clean I feel really good in myself but other days even when it looks slightly difficult I lose confidence entirely and start to panic. I feel myself getting jealous of my friend who can surf better than me despite us starting at the same time and this is a toxic mindset. He is much more confident and seems to tackle everything without fear. I just want to feel confident that I can get better and stop being so scared.

Just wanted to vent really…

[oldmansurfer]

I currently have a problem that my wife's health is rapidly declining and I have to help her out a lot. I am afraid to leave her alone as that may cause her stress. I keep thinking she's going to be stable at some point but it really looks like that won't be happening. There I vented too. Mindset? I guess if you think you're going to fail, that makes that outcome much more likely. Where is the fear coming from? Is it the ocean? Perhaps you can get some fins and learn to swim in the lineup and become familiar with the waves. Or just go out in smaller waves and don't worry about what others think. Or.....move to Hawaii?

[waikikikichan]

In your 5 years of surfing, may I ask what was your progression of boards that you've used. What did you learn to what is your current "go-to" board ?

[BoMan]

Or just go out in smaller waves and don't worry about what others think.

I second this. Build confidence by surfing in conditions where you've been successful in the past. Ride a 9 foot board with non competitive friends. Get your stoke back and have FUN!

[TeeBee89]

Build confidence by surfing in conditions where you've been successful in the past. Ride a 9 foot board with non competitive friends. Get your stoke back and have FUN!

I second this as well.
I think I wrote this in the forum a year or longer ago about a similar situation as yours. I'd moved overseas and at that point had only been sporadically surfing for 5 years or so, like yourself. Still a kooky beginner, basically going straight to the beach from the lineup after shaky takeoffs, and I got sucked into the mini simmons fad. At least I didn't grow a hipster stache, but I had a near drowning on short period swell and it scared me out of the water. However, I got a bigger egg board mostly thanks to encouragement from a shaper I knew. I gradually forced myself back in and surfed the white water. Gradually I got the basics down. It took a long time and I was anxious as hell about paddling out to the lineup again, getting caught out if the swell started getting bigger, or was trigger shy about paddling into waves bigger than 2+ ft. Tried body surfing with fins on weakening swell and eventually got a smaller board. After two years of this I think I had to get properly rolled and held down by a waist high wave before I realized "That wasn't so bad. I should paddle for more of those." I caught the next one and never forgot the feeling. It was like being hooked all over again.

I was diagnosed with PTSD a few years ago. I still have trouble leaving my home thanks to crippling anxiety-depression, barely making it out the door for an Asia trip last year I used to routinely make like a milk run a decade ago. Despite all this therapy, I have to learn to live with this disability. I've also had a pest infestation for the last few months that is putting me over the edge. There, I vented. And it could be worse.

You'll find a lot of useful advice and inspiration here that should help you overcome the mindset/confidence problems, but also practically help get you on a bigger board, taking waves to the face again, and having fun doing it. I still prefer waves under head high and still get the anxiety. That may never change, but I keep working at it. Speaking of which, I'm off to read OMS' Kahuna entires.