idiots who buys a surfboard because he can sk8 and snowboard

Before anyone jumps on me, this is a actual posting on Craigslist Tokyo. I didn't call him an idiot, he called himself one.
"So I'm one of those idiots who buys a surfboard because he can skate and snowboard thinking it's gonna be easy and that it will make him super cool in front of his co-workers when he tells them how he rented an Airbnb in Chiba over the weekend and then gets pummeled by the ocean for 2 years and realizes that learning a new sport at 35 is fleshin' stupid anyway because being a beginner at anything sucks when you're old and you're a father now for Christ sake start acting like it and pickup smoking cigars or drinking expensive whiskey and while you're at it why don't you ever tuck in your shirt like all the other dads you look like a narc."
Maybe he would still be surfing today, if he started out on a long(er) board ?
"So I'm one of those idiots who buys a surfboard because he can skate and snowboard thinking it's gonna be easy and that it will make him super cool in front of his co-workers when he tells them how he rented an Airbnb in Chiba over the weekend and then gets pummeled by the ocean for 2 years and realizes that learning a new sport at 35 is fleshin' stupid anyway because being a beginner at anything sucks when you're old and you're a father now for Christ sake start acting like it and pickup smoking cigars or drinking expensive whiskey and while you're at it why don't you ever tuck in your shirt like all the other dads you look like a narc."
Maybe he would still be surfing today, if he started out on a long(er) board ?