Nearly drown experience sharing (Yesterday)

I know there have been tons of similar posts in the forum (I actually been searching them since yesterday seeking some kind of comforts) But I still feel like sharing it to make myself happier (I dare not to share with my wife)
So yesterday I went surfing with my mate. I surfed a day before already and felt really sore everywhere But I go anyway. I been told heaps of time that surfing more is the most effective way to improve so here I am in the beach. Checked the surf forecast it indicates a "pretty good" day with wave size 3-5 feet and strong wind. I have surfed 3-5 feet before with no problem in the same beach So I did not give a second though. Only when arriving the beach I can see from the carpark the waves were roaring huge and no one was in the water. I hesitated a bit but still want to give it a go. (After some lessons and some time in the water in different condition my ego is up up). Once in the water I could still feel the soreness in my arms ( I recovered really slow) But I paddle out bravely nearly to the back only found out my mate did not catch up so I turned around and caught a white wave in.
We decided to go to another spot to join other surfers and to make us feel safer. Then the real problem began. I followed my mate all the way to the back, I was tired already before entering the water but I managed to paddle out eventually. While sitting in the back I found me and my mates are the only two this far and I was a bit panicked and then started to paddle back in. A wave approached. Good I have been waiting for this so I paddled really hard for it, it lifted the tail, I was in , but then I dropped straight down from a seemingly 2m+ wave and wipe out. I never really figure out how to transit from a catching position to a riding position correctly. So I was rolling under the water. After surfaced another big one came. I dived and feel the leg leash pushed me very hard under the water. I started to lose my breath and started to panick. Then a set came, I was held down/up/held down for how many times I dont remember But I was really suffocating, Every Time the wave smacked me into the sand bar. My eye vision went from green to not that green to white then to the air. At that moment I swore if I managed to go back to shore I will never come back here. Eventually some whitewash sent me in,and although I lied back forward in the board I nose-dived a few times before reaching shore. I lied down on the beach but still felt nausea/dizzy.I puked and it took me an hour to recovery. I couldn think of the consequence of drowning.
This incident made me want to quit surfing. But maybe I can still keep on?/just surfing on small days/play inside? Ironically My mate went out few times without any problem. He is really ripped so I blame my fitness one more time. What makes me happier is I did not see any one really ripping out there Many be condition is not that good.
So yesterday I went surfing with my mate. I surfed a day before already and felt really sore everywhere But I go anyway. I been told heaps of time that surfing more is the most effective way to improve so here I am in the beach. Checked the surf forecast it indicates a "pretty good" day with wave size 3-5 feet and strong wind. I have surfed 3-5 feet before with no problem in the same beach So I did not give a second though. Only when arriving the beach I can see from the carpark the waves were roaring huge and no one was in the water. I hesitated a bit but still want to give it a go. (After some lessons and some time in the water in different condition my ego is up up). Once in the water I could still feel the soreness in my arms ( I recovered really slow) But I paddle out bravely nearly to the back only found out my mate did not catch up so I turned around and caught a white wave in.
We decided to go to another spot to join other surfers and to make us feel safer. Then the real problem began. I followed my mate all the way to the back, I was tired already before entering the water but I managed to paddle out eventually. While sitting in the back I found me and my mates are the only two this far and I was a bit panicked and then started to paddle back in. A wave approached. Good I have been waiting for this so I paddled really hard for it, it lifted the tail, I was in , but then I dropped straight down from a seemingly 2m+ wave and wipe out. I never really figure out how to transit from a catching position to a riding position correctly. So I was rolling under the water. After surfaced another big one came. I dived and feel the leg leash pushed me very hard under the water. I started to lose my breath and started to panick. Then a set came, I was held down/up/held down for how many times I dont remember But I was really suffocating, Every Time the wave smacked me into the sand bar. My eye vision went from green to not that green to white then to the air. At that moment I swore if I managed to go back to shore I will never come back here. Eventually some whitewash sent me in,and although I lied back forward in the board I nose-dived a few times before reaching shore. I lied down on the beach but still felt nausea/dizzy.I puked and it took me an hour to recovery. I couldn think of the consequence of drowning.
This incident made me want to quit surfing. But maybe I can still keep on?/just surfing on small days/play inside? Ironically My mate went out few times without any problem. He is really ripped so I blame my fitness one more time. What makes me happier is I did not see any one really ripping out there Many be condition is not that good.