Surfing addiction

[seeker]

Hey everyone.
Just want to start from a little story about my surfing addiction and how it developed as I desperately need some advice 
So, originally I am from European part of Russia where we obviously do not get any waves at all and it can be another cause of why my addiction is so bad. I moved to Australia when I was 25 to study and then I am still here after 6 years, meaning I am in my early 30’s now.

I started surfing pretty much right after I arrived in Australia in 2010. I took few lessons and then bought a second hand shortboard (ahah that was really stupid) and after couple of sessions with no waves caught I bought a proper minimal. I was surfing with some gaps due to the fact that I was not physically fit, the beginning stage of surfing is really hard and not so fun, I had a lot of life commitments (study, work etc)

However, about 2.5 years ago things changed, when I finally sorted out most of my life issues, finished my studies, sorted visas, found a decent job and also exercised a lot which improved my surfing/endurance so much. So, I started surfing every weekend and progressed even better. I am probably a sort of in the beginning of intermediate surfer now – can do bottoms, tops, cut backs on a regular basis and other more complex elements sometimes.

Now is the problem – I found myself as absolutely, terribly addicted to surfing! Some people would say it is great, but in fact it is not so obvious… My wife isn’t happy with where things are going, which is often resulting in fights. She is a kind of person who would go into the ocean knee-deep max while holding my hand , no way she is going to surf and obvious arguments are that I do not spend time with her on the weekends at all. Some of my friends do not even ask me to go to pub on Friday/Saturday as they know I need to get at 5 the next day to go for early session. My career performance isn’t great as well, because I try not to work on the weekend which is necessary sometimes and keep on checking graphs all day and plan where I am staying on the coast for the weekend ahaha 

The other issue is that I feel like weekend surf isn’t enough for me anymore. I am based in Brisbane and started looking at some jobs on the Gold Coast, which will allow me to surf pretty much every day before or after work. My missus likes Brissy and she is not really excited to move to GC…
Well, I have an interview this week for the role on the Gold Coast which will probably be better paid in the short term, but will have a lot less career opportunities in the long run and I am just asking for your advice… Am I not the only one in this boat or am I just an adult kid who does not want to take life seriously? I don’t want to ruin my family and life, but my reasons of that move are that if I get a chance to surf early mornings during the week, I won’t be bothered going out there on the weekend and can spend it with my loved ones (especially taking into account weekend crowds on the GC). Lifestyle and property is a bit cheaper also  In addition, I think I will be less irrational and don’t get this surf anxiety as I will get my surfing-drug dose way more often, so might be even more productive work-wise…
To those of you guys who made exactly the same or similar move, did you get what you wanted and never regretted it or not? Do you think my plan is real or it will eventually cause even more problems?

I remember on my very first surf lesson, I was so much excited and saw the sticker on someone else’s car saying “surfing ruined my life” and I could not even imagine how it is even possible, but now I think I can…

[Tudeo]

I think it's best to follow your passion(s) (your blessed in having one) and take the consequences, work them out.
I did it when I moved to Bali for a surfing life, no regrets.

[LostAtSea]

This problem will work itself out by the sounds of it. Your passion for surfing will lead down some unexpected roads, but if your keep yourself on a positive track through life, things will be fine. Be careful with your day job though, focus on your work and always show 'em watch got. Heck, get a job in the surf industry if you have to, but a paycheque is necessary, and a good work ethic opens doors and leads to options and opportunity that can translate to excellent surfing (life) opportunities.

And your wife...that's a personal thing, from your post, none of us could possibly know much about your relationship and all that goes into it. I will say this though, you need to give her the freedom to express herself in her endeavours, and she needs to do the same for you. Otherwise neither of you will be happy together.

Good luck. I'm a beginner myself (only one year in) and I am surprised, shocked and little worried about how addicted I have become to surfing. I am trying with all my might to keep it in perspective. However I have a daughter and she (and all the things that matter in her life) are number one priority.

Good luck

[RinkyDink]

I recommend trying to find a balance. Be honest with your wife about your passion for the sea. Talk with her about finding a way to allow this part of your life to exist within your family life. If your wife can't accept this part of you, then you might need to re-evaluate your relationship. Compromise. Work on your self-control. Read what the Greeks and Romans had to say about self-control and balancing the things in your life. Surfing makes you a fuller person, but if all you are is a person consumed by surfing, then you are one dimensional . . . and probably a bore. Good luck.

[Big H]

Life is about choices; you're grown now so no need to poll strangers. If it's a concern for you and making problems in areas of your life which are important to you, which it seems to be since you formed the concern into a post, the answer is to back off surfing and get some balance in your life.

Freedom and family life......each person can live their lives however they want but if you aren't careful you might find yourself alone with your passion in one hand and quiver in the other.

[BoMan]

As you consider the many good ideas posted – take the long view. Decide what will make you happy now and into the future.

In my 20’s, I was a marathon runner. Training for races was a year round thing that required 60 miles/week on the road. Like you, I had to weigh the needs of my family, my friends, my job and my passion. In the end, I realized that there would be a very short time to compete at a high level and a very long time to regret the damage I was doing to the other aspects of my life.

So as others have written, I set priorities, balanced my life, compromised and communicated. At 65, fitness comes in new ways. I almost never run and have fun skating and long boarding. Take the long view.

[oldmansurfer]

Except before I was 1 year old and and when I went to college in Colorado, I have always lived close to surf so I never had to move to surf. But here I can tell you lots of people here have problems. Most of them are over it by the time they get married or if not then the wife is marrying them knowing about their surf habits so it isn't such an issue. But Some surfers still play hooky from school or work when the surf is up. You need to prioritize your life. What is important to you? Make sure you take care of the things you care most about.

[pmcaero]

If your job requires you to be there on weekends to advance, and there's no flexibility around that, such as coming in maybe for a couple of hours, then going surfing, etc, then it's not worth it. You're not the CEO, right?
Make your move.

[billie_morini]

Fortunately, surfing is a healthy addiction.

In contrast to what seeker shared, here's an opposite life story. My life revolved around motorcycles for 45 years. I rode in the dirt; competed in enduro, road racing, and observed trials; toured the US, Mexico, Canada, and Germany; had a professional garage with lift and tools in my residence, and more. There was no room on my life for a girlfriend or potential wife if they interfered with motorcycling. Simply none. When racing was occupying nearly all my free time, my wife got herself a big dog. My wife nor dog interfered and they went off on their own adventures. My racing held no interest for my wife.

I spent about 65% of my time in my garage building engines and maintaining two racing bikes. There was no question where to find me and my pursuit was honorable. My wife knew I was not out chasing women. She knew I was following a healthy addiction. She also knew if I died in a racing crash, I'd die doing what I loved.

When I became older and exchanged motorcycles for surfing, the passion was nearly as strong. My wife went surfing with me for about a year while we were both learning. She liked it, but couldn't get the hang of it. So, I continued without her. She was fine with that.

Yes, I am fortunate. Buy, I also chose wisely. Get this! When I told my wife I wanted to live really close to surf, she was totally on boatd with living near the coast. I set out looking for employment in Santa Cruz, Santa Barbara, and San Diego. My wife helped with the job hunt. She was ecstatic fortune would take us to Santa Barbara.

Who doesn't want to live near the beach? What would I do in seeker's shoes? It is not completely possible to say for sure, but I'm pretty sure I'd make some seriously big changes in my life.

[drowningbitbybit]

Move to the Goldie. Surf every morning. Keep the weekends for the mrs and avoid the crowds. Problem sorted.


Well, some of 'em.

[drowningbitbybit]

Who doesn't want to live near the beach?

When I first moved to Australia, 9 years ago now, I moved here with my English girlfriend. I'd had some doubts and had considered moving over here on my own, but one way or another, we were still together when we moved. Things weren't right over here either, but everyone had always assumed we were the perfect couple, and we kinda kept going out of sheer bloodymindedness.

We had a gorgeous apartment that overlooked the sea - we could see whales from the bedroom! How good is that?!
Oh, and the avatar to the left <------ is the view from the living room.
Anyway, one day, right on the edge of a row, she said to me "I don't even understand why we live here! I don't like it here. Why can't we live closer to the city?"...

...excuse me?... ...what?...

That was the moment that I realised that it was over.*






* This story should on no account be taken as having any bearing on Seeker's situation.

[jaffa1949]

First wife wanted me to grow up and out of surfing, There were other issues too, but the basic drift was to meet her needs as " surfing is a child's pursuit" . She is on her third husband chasing the money tree!
I reinvented myself into a profession that allowed me to design my lifestyle, I did that while I was unhitched.
Second marriage , I inherited three boys and my now wife knew that surfing would fill a large part of our recreational life. All good, many tropical islands, weird world trips and a deeper deeper relationship.
Invest the time, invest in communicating a solution that works between you, it may be together it may be apart but you do need to begin to work on the solution that works for you and your full being, not the dimensions of an addiction.

You need a plan!

[icetime]

Fortunately, surfing is a healthy addiction.

In contrast to what seeker shared, here's an opposite life story. My life revolved around motorcycles for 45 years. I rode in the dirt; competed in enduro, road racing, and observed trials; toured the US, Mexico, Canada, and Germany; had a professional garage with lift and tools in my residence, and more. There was no room on my life for a girlfriend or potential wife if they interfered with motorcycling. Simply none. When racing was occupying nearly all my free time, my wife got herself a big dog. My wife nor dog interfered and they went off on their own adventures. My racing held no interest for my wife.

I spent about 65% of my time in my garage building engines and maintaining two racing bikes. There was no question where to find me and my pursuit was honorable. My wife knew I was not out chasing women. She knew I was following a healthy addiction. She also knew if I died in a racing crash, I'd die doing what I loved.

When I became older and exchanged motorcycles for surfing, the passion was nearly as strong. My wife went surfing with me for about a year while we were both learning. She liked it, but couldn't get the hang of it. So, I continued without her. She was fine with that.

Yes, I am fortunate. Buy, I also chose wisely. Get this! When I told my wife I wanted to live really close to surf, she was totally on boatd with living near the coast. I set out looking for employment in Santa Cruz, Santa Barbara, and San Diego. My wife helped with the job hunt. She was ecstatic fortune would take us to Santa Barbara.

Who doesn't want to live near the beach? What would I do in seeker's shoes? It is not completely possible to say for sure, but I'm pretty sure I'd make some seriously big changes in my life.

Your wife sounds like a keeper, just sayin'

[SurferPete]

Dude!, you and I are in the same lineup, so to speak.
During my high school days, I used to constantly skip school to go surfing. My mom always threatened to kick me out on my 18th birthday. I joined the Marine Corps on my 17th birthday, thus denying her the opportunity and satisfaction. I ended up putting surfing behind me as a childhood/teen obsession.
I left surfing for 25 years! Chasing career and having a family. Just got caught up in the daily grind. Until this past September, when I bought a van and a beautiful all black 6'8 carbon fiber mini-gun.
When I first paddled out, I was 5'5" and weighed 190 lbs. (That was September, 2015)
Since being away for sooo long, I thought that I would have to learn all over again from the beginning. NOT!! After I caught the first couple of waves, which were a bit shaky, IT WAS ON!! I picked it up right where I left off 25 years ago! Dude, it was seriously like riding a bike= once you know how to do it, you never forget.
Since surfing all of this past season (Sept thru May), I am now down to 167 lbs. And, I'm even better than I was in my teen years!
One factor that led me back was the loss of all of our children.
See, all 4 of our boys were taken by DCF (Dept of Children and Families), 2 years ago, due to the constant arguing and fighting between my wife and I. They have been in foster care ever since. Then things between my wife and I got even worse. I was with her for the past 15 years, married for the past 12. The arguments and stress was really taking it's toll on me. At least I had the foresight to get the van.
A month and a half ago, the fateful day came. She threw me in county jail (over night), and proceeded to place a restraining order on me. Then she had some other guy move in with her. See, I knew the day would eventually come. The marriage itself was dead years ago. We just tried to keep it together for the kids. It just didn't work.
Needless to say, for the past 6 weeks now, I have been doing the quintessential surfbum living in minivan thing. Just me and my two boards. (Believe me, it gets lonely and depressing when there aren't any waves.)
I'm also in the process of leaving my employ with the Department of Veterans Affairs (EMS= assigned to the ER or ICU units), to get on with Palm Beach County Ocean Rescue (beach lifeguard). I am so hopelessly addicted to surfing that I have to work on the beach also, so I can surf more than I already do. (HAHAHAHAHA!!!)
So, due to circumstances in my "adult" life, I find that I have come comple circle= from the beach, back to the beach!
I can honestly say that I am sooo thankful that I was able to make it back after being gone for so long. Most who leave, never come back.
Even though I'm living in the van (the loneliness sucks!), I am so free!! I'm not tied down anymore (except for work).
Getting back to surfing made me realize how much raw fun that I've missed out on all those years being an "adult".
Personally, I honestly believe that most people are miserable in life because they forget what it was like to just have fun!
I've made a promise to both myself and mother ocean, that I will never let a girl come between me and her. No matter what, Never Quit Surfing!! (You may not make it back.)
As I tap this message, I'm sitting here in my van, under the bridge next to Sebastian Inlet, FL, waiting for the sun to come up. Looking forward to having the whole day off and just surfing from dawn til dusk. (Right now it's the only wave around, small but fun!)
Btw, awsome topic. I can definitely relate.
Anyways, all the best to ya, my brother from down under! (Bigger waves, hotter babes, better lays.)

[oldmansurfer]

That is quite a story SurferPete. It is awesome that you were quick to pick it back up after quitting for 25 years. I am going to guess that is because you spent a lot your youth surfing. I didn't surf till I was 18 (bodysurfed and bodyboarded prior) quit for 12 years and it was just like starting all over again except I knew exactly what to do. I think when you learn something at a young age it becomes like riding a bike. I was a pretty decent bike rider back when but haven't tried to see if I can do all those tricks. Too bad I didn't learn to shoot pool till I was older, now that i have quit for a number of years it is like starting all over too. Well your story made me happy and sad but I am glad you are happy with your life now. Welcome to the forum. Hope you had a good day surfing